The Ups and Downs of Trying to Find Yourself (From Someone Still Figuring It Out)
- Misfits: The Beautifully Imper
- May 5
- 3 min read
There’s this idea that “finding yourself” is supposed to feel like a breakthrough moment.
Like one day you wake up, everything clicks, and suddenly you just know who you are.
Yeah… that hasn’t been my experience.
For me, it’s looked a lot more like confusion, growth, backtracking, healing, unlearning, and then… doing it all over again.
And if I’m being honest? It’s been both beautiful and exhausting.
The Ups No One Talks About Enough
Let’s start here, because there are ups. Real ones.
There are moments where something shifts inside you, and you realize:
You handled something differently than you used to
You didn’t shrink to make someone else comfortable
You chose yourself without guilt (or at least… less guilt)
Those moments? They matter more than we give them credit for.
Sometimes growth isn’t loud.It’s subtle. Quiet. Almost easy to miss if you’re not paying attention.
But it’s there.
I’ve felt it in the way I think now…in the boundaries I’m learning to set…in the things I no longer tolerate.
And even though I’m still figuring things out, I can feel that I’m not the same person I used to be.
That counts for something.
The Downs That Hit Harder Than Expected
Now let’s talk about the part that doesn’t get romanticized.
Because trying to find yourself can also feel like:
Questioning everything you thought you knew about your life
Outgrowing people and not knowing what to do with that
Feeling lost after you thought you had clarity
Starting over… again… when you’re already tired
There are days where I’ve thought, “Shouldn’t I have this figured out by now?”
And that thought alone can feel heavy.
Because somewhere along the way, we were taught that there’s a timeline for becoming who we’re supposed to be.
But no one really prepares you for what it feels like when your timeline doesn’t match everyone else’s.
The In-Between Space (Where Most of This Happens)
If I had to describe where I am right now…
It’s not lost.
It’s not found either.
It’s… in-between.
And honestly? That’s where most of the work happens.
It’s where you start asking better questions. It’s where you begin to notice patterns. It’s where you slowly come back to yourself, piece by piece.
Not all at once.Not perfectly.
Just… gradually.
What I’m Learning Along the Way
I don’t have a neat conclusion here. I’m still in it.
But I am learning a few things:
You’re allowed to change your mind about who you are
Growth doesn’t always feel good while it’s happening
You don’t need to have everything figured out to be moving forward
And maybe most importantly…you’re not behind, you’re just becoming
That last one has been sitting with me lately.
Because it takes some of the pressure off.
If You’re In This Too…
If you’re somewhere in the middle of trying to figure yourself out…
feeling a little lost, a little hopeful, and a little unsure all at once,
you’re not doing it wrong.
You’re just in the process.
And even when it feels messy…even when it feels slow…
there’s something really powerful about choosing to keep going anyway.
Final Thought
Maybe “finding yourself” isn’t about discovering one fixed version of who you are.
Maybe it’s about allowing yourself to evolve…to question…to grow into different versions of yourself over time.
And maybe that’s not something you arrive at.
Maybe it’s something you live.
This piece reflects the heart behind creating spaces for real, honest conversations about growth, vulnerability, and becoming, because none of us are meant to do this alone.
Franks XO
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